The New Year’s Resolution for Every Mom

It is the year-end already! It is the time when most of us make resolutions for the coming brand New Year. I have one resolution that should be at the top of every mom’s list.

Taking time for myself .

Being a mom is always stressful. Supporting a family and a child is demanding and difficult and balancing your working hours makes it so stressful all the time. Your lives are busier than ever. Now, to make it even tougher we have raised our expectation as parents. We constantly strive to help our children become good people, successful and make them socially and emotionally intelligent.

In this brand new year 2013, I resolve to make sure to keep some time to care for myself. I know, you would say, who has the time. However, taking a little time everyday to care for you – even if it is just 5 minutes will help. You get to stop and catch your breath. This will be the greatest gift you will ever gift yourself and believe me or not, it will be an even greater gift to your child. You will feel calmer, happier and less reactive. This tiny little break will make you more present, attentive and patient parent.

Some of the greatest stress busters I feel are getting to yoga, brisk walking and meditation and even relaxation exercises. As for me, I love to walk and I go for a brisk walk everyday for 15 minutes while DS is at school.

I got the idea while reading about a Buddhist monk Pema Chödrön. Maitri, as they say, is unconditional friendliness towards oneself. The word unconditional friendliness itself makes you feel good. We parents always love to make it hard on ourselves and feel we fall short as parents, partners and people.

In a bid to make the world a better place for my child I pledge to start with myself and make me kinder, gentler and unconditionally friendly to myself.

Happy New Year!

Meal Time = Emotional War

I am busy in an emotional war started by my DS. Yes! you guessed it right MEAL TIME EMOTIONAL ATTYACHAR (Hindi for Torture)
This has resulted in immense damage to my energy and definitely my mood.

Ways DS Made My Marriage Better

The world is filled with 2 kinds of people - This is equally true for parents as well. One group keeps regaling you with horrors of parenting at every chance they get. They tell you about the rising cost of vaccines, diapers, PediaSure and tuition fees. They keep complaining about how they never get a couple time or “Me” time anymore.

On the other hand are parents who tell you how perfect their child is! They keep telling you how they have never felt closer to their spouse. They even keep on telling you why every couple should have more kids. They always keep talking about how happy they are all the time and how they find little things rewarding.

1.      Becoming a FAMILY

As for me, I am a mixture of both these kind, having DS actually changed my life. It made my marriage better. He gave a stronger sense of being a “family.” When we were “just married and without DS, life seemed like we were still dating. Now we live together and keep remind the other about whose turn it is to manage DS. We earn, spent and then we keep the extra money. There are many things that we still enjoy doing on our own. All these felt so good and made us feel that we were dating in a serious way.

The moment we learnt, we were pregnant, life changed. We were concerned about the money, how to earn more and save more. The whole pregnancy we kept talking about what values we want in our child and we still argue on that. We kept weaving new dreams of the child and our family. The best part was DH was getting more concerned; he kept tagging me wherever I would go and this till goes on. My difficult pregnancy made me more patients and taught me to depend on my DH, as I did never before. It taught him that I need him in every other ways.

The bad part was we officially stopped to just being the children to our parents as soon as the baby arrived. But then again the good part was we made our set of rules, our own goals, and our own path to victory.

2.      Becoming better resource managers

We did start talking about money more than before, but the baby’s arrival reminded us that our health insurance should always be in good shape and we have proper savings for every sort of emergencies. We discussed every purchase we did and.

With the passing of every day, we become experts at time management, since as the baby grew he was demanding more in every sense of the word. Our need to sleep, eat and even taking a bath was new exercise to display our creativity and magic. Then again, squeezing in the ‘ME’ time and ‘US’ time was very difficult but we needed it to maintain our sanity and love for each other. Today we already have routines and things work out automatically.

3.      We became a stronger team

My DH helps me a lot while caring for our DS, even though I stay at home. I in turn plan well to stay within our budget and try to have some savings each month. We keep talking to other parents about how they are dealing with their child and have little decisions on handling parenting issues. We talk about disciplining our child, setting our limitations, and our expectations. We ensure that we get involved with DS equally and take charge when the other one gets slack.

4.      We started being more health-conscious

We want to be there for our DS every time and because of our desire we wanted to be healthy, we have brought many changes in our living. We are skipping on sodas and have stopped indulging in junk food. We indulge more in vegetables and keenly aware that if one of us gets sick, it does not infect the whole family. We are still in the process of learning more about each other.

In the end, it is up to the couple whether a child will make or break their marriage. I am just thankful that my DH who has been there throughout celebrating the challenges of parenthood and make our partnership stronger with each passing day. We have decided that as a team our home should have a learning environment and that we end up being far less stressed and enjoy our company with DS.

All Your Fears About a 2-Year-Old Is True.

They do not call it the terrible twos for no reason, I suppose. I have a two year old. Most part of the day I try not to wince and I keep reminding that bringing up a child is a promise. Still, its most of the time! I guess that's how most mothers in terrible twos feel. But my DS is a terrifically terrible and totally troublesome. Unfortunately, its just not him but even we parents also have a reign of terrible twos. Its like we are experiencing our own terrible tough time since DS turned 2. I mean, it just got much harder.

To all the parents who said it will get easier, I now understand what you were really doing. You guys were simply lying, or maybe motivating us with the pep talk to get it through. When DS was a baby her was completely dependent on me for food, for cuddles, for singing songs, and now he depends on me for all that and also save him.

My Two-year-old doesn't listen. He actually hears me, but it won't really register until he is closer to 3. This mean I AM A BROKEN RECORD. I have become more imaginative and keep coming up with new creative ideas of saying 'no.' I am already sick of yourself saying the word NO, I have stopped listening to me. Sounds crazy? Yep. That's what happens when your kid turns 2.

DS wants to be really INDEPENDENT. Its great that he wants to do his own things; but horrifying in most cases. This means he wants to eat his cereal without your help - fine, but equally true is you will have milk and cereal all over almost everything nearby and even across the room. I planned ahead, bought a huge sized bib - actually a Kitchen towel. He loves to walk holding my hand and then suddenly decides to let go of my hand and run into the street. The two-year-olds are stealthy and you will never know until you have a two-year-old.

Hmmm! I am not done yet. The two-year-olds are picky eaters and this will put you in the worst mood ever. They love chewing paper, cotton, toys. I've talked to other parents at DS's playschool and they are also going through this. Meal time is the most toughest and frustrating part of my day.

Nap time! They have their own set of rules and if they do not nap during the day, then it's cranky pants time. For my DS its mostly the evening after his playtime is over and he will whine and cry and shout and whine until I feed him his dinner (somehow) and put him to sleep at 7:30p.m.Then he wakes up at 3:00am asking about Prof. Quigley.

They also turn into the meanies on the playground. But you will still have to like yours. Your kid is capable of throwing sand into others eyes and even steals the ball from the wobbly 1-year-old. So, you do not think your child will do it? Wait till they turn TWO. I know it sounds so lame then again its lame to be the parent of the kid whose own ball is stolen from him and you have be the Meanie Mother to get it back.

They take over your entire house. You will not be able to contain your child's things in the room any more. Kid stuff will take over your house. And even though you have a toddler-proof home they will surely find a way out. The earlier accept this, the happier a parent you will be.

You can no longer have your stash of sweets within sight. The kids go absolutely bonkers when they get a little sugar in their system. So again use creativity and hide them in new places. My DS never had dark chocolate or peanut butter cups, but somehow he knew he would love it and fussed until he got one.And they the sugar saga was on prime time.

Now this doesn't mean your kid is going to be just the same as I described, you know every little spawn is different. Some are little perfects and they will return back all when they become teenagers. And still if you feel the need to brag that your child is nothing like anything I described above. Then Congratulations! And maybe good luck!

After every particularly stressful day which involves too much ice cream, a public meltdown, crying on the sidewalk, and wiggling out of a hand-hold to nearly run into the street, the greatest gift comes when my DS gives me the biggest hug, looks into my eyes and say in his adorable voice, "Mamma, I lub you."

I smile give him the biggest hug and tell my 2-year-old terror I lub you, too. And I meant it.

How are you surviving the terrible twos? Do any of these sound familiar?

The Best Part Of A Mom’s Day

Its almost lunch time but I am suddenly filled with a whole lot of energy. I get out of my house, and walk for a few minutes. On the way I pass by a mandir with numerous ladies and their shiny brass "Lota." Next comes the bustling bazaar -  Yes the TYPICAL Sabji market of India. Right after is a series of new and upcoming apartments. When I came here a couple of years ago, these places had old shabby single storied houses. Right next to this block is a National Bank. People, people and more people and the variety sound, but my vision was quite blur and nothing was reaching my ears. Its a walk where I pass through so many turns and still I wonder how I remember to take every turn needed until I reach THE SCHOOL.

As soon I reach, a tall and stern man greets me and asks for the card -  Yes, schools these day do not let you take your own child without the allotted Identity Card. He takes the card and gets inside the locked huge brown wooden door.

Slowly, the door opens and out comes the tiny little man looking a little more grown up. Managing his water bottle, his bag and his tiny self all ALONE. I watch him from a distance as he manages everything and bade good bye to his teachers.

“Pssst….” I quietly said, after waiting a few moments to take in him surprised.

I see his messy hair, rolled down sock, t-shirt moved away from position - must have been fighting I wonder!

“Mamma!”

He runs over, arms wide open, with smiles galore.

All the veil lifts, and I kneel down to pick him up. He gives me the biggest bear hug.

“Kissi-kissi,” he says to me, and I perk up my lips. He smacks a juicy one on the corner of my mouth.

“Mamma, I want to walk,” he posits. So I put him down.

“Mamma hold my hand, please!”

His tiny little right hand reaches out, and grabs mine tight.

“Run, run, run, Baby,” I say to him, and he trots along, giggling.

As  we reach the bazaar he chirps in “Mamma candy!”
Someday I convince him that he can have candy once we reach home and he finishes his lunch, while on others I have to buy him "2 candy."

I keep singing his rhymes and the alphabet song all day long.

“Shhhhh Mamma. No singing.”

As we reach home he climbs back and leans over to give me another kiss, and says, “Big Bear Hug,” as he holds her arms open wide. Once again we embrace as we climb up stares - Oh! I climb.

That’s the sweet part of any mom’s day, when your kids just make you feel how much they missed you, how much they love you.

I believe this is the best time of other moms as well. Time when they get back with their kid.

When is the sweet part of your working mom day?

The Support System of a Juggler

My previous post describes me and most of the other moms as Maa Durga. Multitasking is the mantra to succeed. Most of the time we look like the circus juggler with weird hair and half way faded nail polish and yes the unmistakable flat shoes. The flats are sort of postpartum relieve I believe. 
This is for all the moms who resemble me in some way or the other. I have laid down a few thumb rules that act as my support system. They have worked for me hope they do the same for you.

Bring out that Super Mama in you

1. To begin with you will need a fully supportive spouse. My DH is so sweet he can stand in at any time for anything I do (of course, for the children and what were you thinking!) He can sometimes even manage to do SOMETHINGS really better than me. He has been beside me right from the initial days of being a parent, although it took him sometime and whole lot of coaxing to become one active parent. A mom is more instinct driven and they make time in their life for the child the day they know they have the BUN IN THE OVEN. You just need to expect from your husband and let your husband know of that. Many women give up on expecting, but they must! Do all the ladies hear me???
2. Be ready to meet any situation, be brave no problem is big enough. You do not actually have solution for a problem in advance.Just remember nothing can be worst than YOU! Yeah! time to metamorphose Maa Durga into Maa Kali.
3. There will be times when the going gets tough. You will have sick days, holidays, rainy days and definitely oh so sleepy days. Its better to take the child with you if your work place is friendly. On special days like this nothing more than leaving your child under uncertain care brings down your efficiency. With the child around you get piece of mind and can work comfortably. and definitely in your office they will feel a little lost and hence will keep quite.
4. My first and foremost reason of staying in Kolkata - Guess what?? Maids. I would not be able to survive without the domestic help. Although most of the time they are a pain in the butt, but they make life so EASY. However, I simply do not leave every tasks to the judgment of the maid and Yes! I supervise them. They make life so smooth - cooking, housework, ironwala, janitor- A big THANKS to all the people who work in my home.  Moms who are in areas where domestic help is awfully expensive can definitely take help of the corporate daycare. They are excellent and provides good environment for your child. 
5. Met some of the moms who constantly fine reason for not doing things. I grew up with the - "Where there is a will, there is a way" attitude. Certainly, I have been lucky but if you start looking you will definitely find a solution. 

Hope all you moms find it of good help.