Ways DS Made My Marriage Better

The world is filled with 2 kinds of people - This is equally true for parents as well. One group keeps regaling you with horrors of parenting at every chance they get. They tell you about the rising cost of vaccines, diapers, PediaSure and tuition fees. They keep complaining about how they never get a couple time or “Me” time anymore.

On the other hand are parents who tell you how perfect their child is! They keep telling you how they have never felt closer to their spouse. They even keep on telling you why every couple should have more kids. They always keep talking about how happy they are all the time and how they find little things rewarding.

1.      Becoming a FAMILY

As for me, I am a mixture of both these kind, having DS actually changed my life. It made my marriage better. He gave a stronger sense of being a “family.” When we were “just married and without DS, life seemed like we were still dating. Now we live together and keep remind the other about whose turn it is to manage DS. We earn, spent and then we keep the extra money. There are many things that we still enjoy doing on our own. All these felt so good and made us feel that we were dating in a serious way.

The moment we learnt, we were pregnant, life changed. We were concerned about the money, how to earn more and save more. The whole pregnancy we kept talking about what values we want in our child and we still argue on that. We kept weaving new dreams of the child and our family. The best part was DH was getting more concerned; he kept tagging me wherever I would go and this till goes on. My difficult pregnancy made me more patients and taught me to depend on my DH, as I did never before. It taught him that I need him in every other ways.

The bad part was we officially stopped to just being the children to our parents as soon as the baby arrived. But then again the good part was we made our set of rules, our own goals, and our own path to victory.

2.      Becoming better resource managers

We did start talking about money more than before, but the baby’s arrival reminded us that our health insurance should always be in good shape and we have proper savings for every sort of emergencies. We discussed every purchase we did and.

With the passing of every day, we become experts at time management, since as the baby grew he was demanding more in every sense of the word. Our need to sleep, eat and even taking a bath was new exercise to display our creativity and magic. Then again, squeezing in the ‘ME’ time and ‘US’ time was very difficult but we needed it to maintain our sanity and love for each other. Today we already have routines and things work out automatically.

3.      We became a stronger team

My DH helps me a lot while caring for our DS, even though I stay at home. I in turn plan well to stay within our budget and try to have some savings each month. We keep talking to other parents about how they are dealing with their child and have little decisions on handling parenting issues. We talk about disciplining our child, setting our limitations, and our expectations. We ensure that we get involved with DS equally and take charge when the other one gets slack.

4.      We started being more health-conscious

We want to be there for our DS every time and because of our desire we wanted to be healthy, we have brought many changes in our living. We are skipping on sodas and have stopped indulging in junk food. We indulge more in vegetables and keenly aware that if one of us gets sick, it does not infect the whole family. We are still in the process of learning more about each other.

In the end, it is up to the couple whether a child will make or break their marriage. I am just thankful that my DH who has been there throughout celebrating the challenges of parenthood and make our partnership stronger with each passing day. We have decided that as a team our home should have a learning environment and that we end up being far less stressed and enjoy our company with DS.

Life feels Aweful without kids around

The session break is here finally and DS was promoted to Nursery. WOW! Nursery already!

In the morning around 9:00 am, DS was ready with his bag and toothbrush in pocket and off he goes to his Granma.

The moment the car disappeared from my eyes, I started dancing. I was probably the happiest person I have ever known. The house was suddenly quite, the house was all for me, and guess what I did not know what to do first – have insomnia or just go slumber.

I am a WAHM and after every 15 mins, I need to be a tickle monster. Therefore, this trip of my DS was so much welcome for both my DH and me. We were ecstatic. We were sad that we would not see our DS for a couple of days but the thought of being all to ourselves was overwhelming.

This was our first night alone, and one of my friends calls me up and I told her I was home alone. She asked if we were devastated. “I cannot explain how severely depressed I am? I said, “I feel I’ve lost my limb.” Though I sounded overdramatic, she heard the satire in my voice.

The first day was complete with fun, but as the second day arrived, I began to grow restless. The day was blissful and we did everything we wanted. This also included some good hours of computer time. Then in the afternoon, I felt I heard DS’s voice calling me.

I should have been feeling liberated, and should have been doing something amazing with my time. However, what is this happening to be?

My mind went blank and I had no other option but to take a break. As I started running on my treadmill, I stared across the room. The dining room was clutter-free and the floor looked freshly swept. Although the room was, clutter free and pleasant but I felt something was missing.

I felt that the table looks better when covered with kids’ stuff. I felt like getting the cereal box out and scattering it across the floor to make my house look like it always looks – Not like this EMPTY. I felt I enjoyed that happy chaotic mess, than this lonely stupidity. Without him not only, me even the house looks hauntingly EMPTY.

The next morning, I woke up all alone in the bed. DH was already up and was in the porch with his ciggi staring at specifically nothing but the sky. He looked disturbed, glanced at the closed door behind me, and wished if DS could just burst through it, rubbing his sleepy eyes and smiles at us wishing us “Goo Mornin” in his precious voice. The house now looks not only stupid but also senseless with DS. 

All this time, unknowingly the motions and the rhythms of parenthood have been imprinting themselves onto our brains. Now they have become involuntary – Almost like a reflex. Parenting is a part of us now. It is no more, what we do, but what we are!

As soon as DH finishing his morning cup of tea, he got up and said, “Jaanu*, let’s go get him home, Life feels stupid without him around.”

*Jaanu -  Something precious than Jaan (life) Yes, that is what my DH calls me ;)


Images -
Thanks to  athomearkansas

All Your Fears About a 2-Year-Old Is True.

They do not call it the terrible twos for no reason, I suppose. I have a two year old. Most part of the day I try not to wince and I keep reminding that bringing up a child is a promise. Still, its most of the time! I guess that's how most mothers in terrible twos feel. But my DS is a terrifically terrible and totally troublesome. Unfortunately, its just not him but even we parents also have a reign of terrible twos. Its like we are experiencing our own terrible tough time since DS turned 2. I mean, it just got much harder.

To all the parents who said it will get easier, I now understand what you were really doing. You guys were simply lying, or maybe motivating us with the pep talk to get it through. When DS was a baby her was completely dependent on me for food, for cuddles, for singing songs, and now he depends on me for all that and also save him.

My Two-year-old doesn't listen. He actually hears me, but it won't really register until he is closer to 3. This mean I AM A BROKEN RECORD. I have become more imaginative and keep coming up with new creative ideas of saying 'no.' I am already sick of yourself saying the word NO, I have stopped listening to me. Sounds crazy? Yep. That's what happens when your kid turns 2.

DS wants to be really INDEPENDENT. Its great that he wants to do his own things; but horrifying in most cases. This means he wants to eat his cereal without your help - fine, but equally true is you will have milk and cereal all over almost everything nearby and even across the room. I planned ahead, bought a huge sized bib - actually a Kitchen towel. He loves to walk holding my hand and then suddenly decides to let go of my hand and run into the street. The two-year-olds are stealthy and you will never know until you have a two-year-old.

Hmmm! I am not done yet. The two-year-olds are picky eaters and this will put you in the worst mood ever. They love chewing paper, cotton, toys. I've talked to other parents at DS's playschool and they are also going through this. Meal time is the most toughest and frustrating part of my day.

Nap time! They have their own set of rules and if they do not nap during the day, then it's cranky pants time. For my DS its mostly the evening after his playtime is over and he will whine and cry and shout and whine until I feed him his dinner (somehow) and put him to sleep at 7:30p.m.Then he wakes up at 3:00am asking about Prof. Quigley.

They also turn into the meanies on the playground. But you will still have to like yours. Your kid is capable of throwing sand into others eyes and even steals the ball from the wobbly 1-year-old. So, you do not think your child will do it? Wait till they turn TWO. I know it sounds so lame then again its lame to be the parent of the kid whose own ball is stolen from him and you have be the Meanie Mother to get it back.

They take over your entire house. You will not be able to contain your child's things in the room any more. Kid stuff will take over your house. And even though you have a toddler-proof home they will surely find a way out. The earlier accept this, the happier a parent you will be.

You can no longer have your stash of sweets within sight. The kids go absolutely bonkers when they get a little sugar in their system. So again use creativity and hide them in new places. My DS never had dark chocolate or peanut butter cups, but somehow he knew he would love it and fussed until he got one.And they the sugar saga was on prime time.

Now this doesn't mean your kid is going to be just the same as I described, you know every little spawn is different. Some are little perfects and they will return back all when they become teenagers. And still if you feel the need to brag that your child is nothing like anything I described above. Then Congratulations! And maybe good luck!

After every particularly stressful day which involves too much ice cream, a public meltdown, crying on the sidewalk, and wiggling out of a hand-hold to nearly run into the street, the greatest gift comes when my DS gives me the biggest hug, looks into my eyes and say in his adorable voice, "Mamma, I lub you."

I smile give him the biggest hug and tell my 2-year-old terror I lub you, too. And I meant it.

How are you surviving the terrible twos? Do any of these sound familiar?