Life feels Aweful without kids around

The session break is here finally and DS was promoted to Nursery. WOW! Nursery already!

In the morning around 9:00 am, DS was ready with his bag and toothbrush in pocket and off he goes to his Granma.

The moment the car disappeared from my eyes, I started dancing. I was probably the happiest person I have ever known. The house was suddenly quite, the house was all for me, and guess what I did not know what to do first – have insomnia or just go slumber.

I am a WAHM and after every 15 mins, I need to be a tickle monster. Therefore, this trip of my DS was so much welcome for both my DH and me. We were ecstatic. We were sad that we would not see our DS for a couple of days but the thought of being all to ourselves was overwhelming.

This was our first night alone, and one of my friends calls me up and I told her I was home alone. She asked if we were devastated. “I cannot explain how severely depressed I am? I said, “I feel I’ve lost my limb.” Though I sounded overdramatic, she heard the satire in my voice.

The first day was complete with fun, but as the second day arrived, I began to grow restless. The day was blissful and we did everything we wanted. This also included some good hours of computer time. Then in the afternoon, I felt I heard DS’s voice calling me.

I should have been feeling liberated, and should have been doing something amazing with my time. However, what is this happening to be?

My mind went blank and I had no other option but to take a break. As I started running on my treadmill, I stared across the room. The dining room was clutter-free and the floor looked freshly swept. Although the room was, clutter free and pleasant but I felt something was missing.

I felt that the table looks better when covered with kids’ stuff. I felt like getting the cereal box out and scattering it across the floor to make my house look like it always looks – Not like this EMPTY. I felt I enjoyed that happy chaotic mess, than this lonely stupidity. Without him not only, me even the house looks hauntingly EMPTY.

The next morning, I woke up all alone in the bed. DH was already up and was in the porch with his ciggi staring at specifically nothing but the sky. He looked disturbed, glanced at the closed door behind me, and wished if DS could just burst through it, rubbing his sleepy eyes and smiles at us wishing us “Goo Mornin” in his precious voice. The house now looks not only stupid but also senseless with DS. 

All this time, unknowingly the motions and the rhythms of parenthood have been imprinting themselves onto our brains. Now they have become involuntary – Almost like a reflex. Parenting is a part of us now. It is no more, what we do, but what we are!

As soon as DH finishing his morning cup of tea, he got up and said, “Jaanu*, let’s go get him home, Life feels stupid without him around.”

*Jaanu -  Something precious than Jaan (life) Yes, that is what my DH calls me ;)


Images -
Thanks to  athomearkansas